Veldaban, the Commander of the Dwarven Black Guard in Keldagrim, wants you to investigate the case and find out if the Red Axe is planning anything evil. The problem is, the only lead he¡¯s got is an extremely drunk and kebab obsessed dwarf.
Skills and Quest Requirements For The OSRS Forgettable Tale of a Drunken Dwarf

Before you start the OSRS Forgettable Tale of a Drunken Dwarf quest you must complete The Giant Dwarf and Fishing Contest quests. Skills needed for the OSRS Forgettable Tale of a Drunken Dwarf quest are:

22 Cooking
17 Farming

Items Needed For The OSRS Forgettable Tale of a Drunken Dwarf

300 coins
2 barley malt
2 buckets of water
Spade
Seed dibber
Rake
3 beers
A random item off the list below
Weight reducing clothes
1 Stamina Potion
Ring of wealth
Keldagrim minecart system (to teleport near Keldagrim entrance faster)

Investigating The Mining Group

First, you need to go to Keldagrim by using the Minigame Group Finder teleport to Blast Furnace. Another way is to use the fairy ring code dks will bring you right next to the entrance to Keldagrim.

To start this quest, talk to Veldaban, Commander of the Black Guard in the Black Guard H.Q., west of the Keldagrim bank. He is rather shocked to tell you that, after the incident at the end of The Giant Dwarf, the Red Axe company has left Keldagrim and will soon be kicked out of the Consortium.

Then he will want you to investigate the mining group. The only lead they have currently is a dwarf living in east Keldagrim who expresses strange behavior when the company is mentioned. Agree to help Veldaban, and you will automatically be transported to the dwarf¡¯s house in east Keldagrim after a short cutscene.

Speak to the dwarf, who is drunk and will ask you for a drink. Talk to him to give him the beer. Beer can be bought in the Laughing Miner or the King¡¯s Axe Inn for two coins. He, however, wants ¡°some of the REALLY good stuff¡±, which is an incredibly alcoholic drink called Kelda stout.
Collecting The Four Seeds

To make the drink, you need to grow some kelda hops from 4 kelda seeds, which you can take from some of his drunken friends Khorvak, Gauss, and the rowdy dwarf. The drunken dwarf gives the first seed to set you off. Head south to the pub of the eastern side of Keldagrim.

Around the pub, you will see the rowdy dwarf walking around it, talk to him and he will ask you to bring him a random item. Talk to him again to read what he wants, the items that he can ask you for are:

Amulet mould ¨C Al-Kharid Crafting Store or from mounted tools in POH.
Acne potion ¨C Varrock apothecary. Ask him for a free potion. You may have to ask for it several times.
Anchovy pizza ¨C Made with the Cooking skill.
Ashes ¨C Burn any log and collect the ashes.
Banana ¨C Food stores like in Port Sarim, Musa Point banana plantation.
Bat bones ¨C Kill a bat.
Broken glass ¨C Found in the Drunken Dwarf¡¯s house.
Burnt chicken ¨C Use a cooked chicken on a range or fire.
Cabbage ¨C South of Falador allotment patch, Lumbridge basement, food stores.
Eye patch ¨C Any trader crewmember next to the charter ships.
Fake beard ¨C Bought from Ali Morrisane in Al-Kharid.
Flier ¨C Unlucky, wait a couple of minutes and ask for a different item. Else try your luck getting a rare drop from barbarians. Note: An Al Kharid flyer will not be accepted.
Pink skirt ¨C Thessalia¡¯s Fine Clothes in Varrock for 2 coins.
Potato ¨C Fields north of the Cow Fields in Lumbridge, or bought from food stores.
Red cape ¨C Thessalia¡¯s Fine Clothes in Varrock for 2 coins.
Studded chaps ¨C Made from leather chaps + steed studs or bought from Horvik.
Toy horsey ¨C Bought from Diango in Draynor Market.
Vampyre dust ¨C Vampyres are found in the Haunted Woods, east of Canifis.
Spinning plate ¨C Bought from Diango in Draynor Market.
Bucket of ¡°camel poo¡± ¨C Equip a Camulet and ask a camel for its dung in Al-Kharid, or use a bottle of hot sauce from the Pollnivneach kebab seller with camel feed west of rooftop agility course start and use a bucket on the resulting dung.
King worm ¨C North part of Tree Gnome Stronghold or in South Taverley.
Swamp tar ¨C Lumbridge Swamp or Morytania.
White apron ¨C Port Sarim Fishing shop, on the north wall.
Steel dart ¨C Player-made after The Tourist Trap.
Bronze scimitar ¨C Player-made or bought in Al-Kharid Scimitar Shop.

If for some reason you cannot obtain the item, wait a few minutes and talk to him again for a different item.

Run south and talk to the train conductor next to the transportation sign to go to the White Wolf Mountain. Then walk to track number four and ride the card that is in front of the line. Enter the pub and talk to Khorvak, a dwarven engineer, and ¡°borrow¡± the seed as you manage to convince him that you will ¡°return it¡±.

Now go take your random item off the list, you can get it either from the GE or get it yourself and then give it to the rowdy dwarf so he can give you the third seed. Go to the west side of Keldagrim and talk to Gauss. He is in the King¡¯s Axe Inn, south of the bank in west Keldagrim.

He will ask you to do a toast with him. Give him a beer and talk to him again to get the seed. After toasting you will still get the seed without drinking the beer, saving it for later.
Plant The Seeds

Once you have all the four seeds, go east of the bank to the big farm patch. Ask Rind the gardener for advice on planting the seeds, and he will explain that sunlight is harmful to Kelda seeds and hence you can only grow it underground. He then permits you to use the Kelda hops patch.

Use your rake on the Kelda hops patch and then plant the seeds on the patch. The hops don¡¯t require attention or water and cannot get diseased, as they are known for having a remarkably fast-growing speed. Now you need to wait 15-20 minutes. You don¡¯t have to be online, but logging in and out will reset the timer.

When your seeds have grown, pick the Kelda hops. Head to the bar in East Keldagrim and up the stairs to the fermenting vat. The vat will give the message, ¡°These special hops need to be brewed in the Keldagrim brewery. Oh well¡­¡±

If you already have contents in the fermenting vat bring 8 beer glasses or 2 calquat kegs to empty them. If the contents are still fermenting you can drain the vat by using the valve.

In the corner of the room, you will see a pot spawn take it and talk to Blandebir and ask him to fill it up with ale yeast for 25gp. Then use two buckets of water on the vat, then add two barley malt, then the Kelda hops.

Use the ale yeast on the vat and the fermenting process will begin. This will take another 15¨C20 minutes and you will get a notification when it¡¯s ready. When it¡¯s done fermenting, turn the valve (behind the barrel) and use an empty beer glass on the barrel.

Head to the Drunken Dwarf¡¯s house just north and talk about the Red Axe. He will ask for the Kelda stout and then tell you about the boarded-up tunnel along with a small cutscene.
Exploring The Closed Tunnel

Talk to the cart conductor to the south at the train cart tracks. Now, talk to the director of the mining company that you joined during The Giant Dwarf quest, which is located upstairs in either the west or the east marketplace.

Ask them for help with the boarded-up tunnel, and they will have the boards removed at once. Go back to the conductor and ride the cart that goes into the new tunnel (the most southern cart, no ticket required).
Room 1

First, you need to solve a puzzle to set the tracks to the exit. Collect the square stones from the box next to the controls, and set them in the dwarven machinery. A green stone will make the cart take the top path at a junction, and a yellow stone will make it take the bottom path.

Your goal is to set up a connection between the red square to the left and the boxes that are to the right. To place/rotate a stone in a junction, click once for green, twice for yellow, and three times to remove the stone. The green line shows the path the cart will take.

To get past this room, operate the controls and place the yellow stone on the farthest spot to the left and the greenstone one spot below that, as shown below. Hop onto the cart, and search the box on the platform that you reach to obtain another green square stone. Take the cart back to the control box.

There are two ways to go forward with the next one: either green, yellow, green or green, green, yellow. Ride the cart again, search the box for a second yellow stone, and return to the control box.

Finally, connect the stones to the red cross, with the two yellow blocks on the left-hand side and two green blocks on the right-hand side. Ride the cart to reach the second room.
Room 2

In this room, you eavesdrop on a conversation between Hreidmar, an Ogre Shaman, and a Red Axe Henchman discussing their plans. You learn that The Red Axe bribed the boatman into deliberately crashing into the statue so that they could blame it on a human in The Giant Dwarf quest. Crawl through the hole at the opposite end of the room from where you entered.
Room 3

You¡¯ll now be in another minecart abyss. Search the box to receive two yellow and one green stone. Put the green stone on the far left, a yellow one above it, and another yellow one to the right. Ride the cart, search the box, and ride back.

Put a yellow stone at the far left, another yellow one spot below that, a green one below that, and another green to the right. Ride the cart, search the box, and ride back.

Then put a green stone on the far left, another green one spot above that, a yellow one spot above that, a green to the right and below, and a yellow to the right. Ride the cart into the fourth room.
Room 4

Once you have made it to the library, search the first bookcases closest to you, after that you have to search the three crates with some paper on it. When you¡¯re done enter the cave east of you, and another short cutscene will begin.
Room 5

Search the box for two yellow and two green stones. Put a green stone on the far left, a green stone one above that, a yellow stone one above that, and a yellow one to the right. Ride, search and ride back.

Put a yellow stone on the far left, another yellow one below that, another yellow one below that, a green to the right, a green above that, and another green above that. Ride, search and ride back.

Next put a green stone on the far left, another green one above that, a yellow one above that, a green to the right of that, a yellow above, a green below, a yellow above, then a yellow below. Ride to the sixth and final room.
Room 6

This will start a cutscene, where the Red Axe Director will show off his army of Chaos Dwarves. But, before you can report to Commander Veldaban of what you¡¯ve seen so far, Grunsh the Ogre shaman catches you spying into their plans and casts a spell that eliminates all your memories of the caves.

Go back and talk to Commander Veldaban. You won¡¯t remember any of what had happened, but your instincts will tell you to go to the Laughing Miner in east Keldagrim pub and have a beer and kebab.

Buy a kebab from the store on the east side (directly southwest of the drunken dwarf¡¯s house) and a beer from the pub. Now, drink the beer/eat the kebab in the pub to begin the final cutscene. You will get drunk and tell a nonsensical story to a bunch of drunken dwarves.
Rewards From The OSRS Forgettable Tale of a Drunken Dwarf

2 Quest points
5,000 Cooking experience
5,000 Farming experience
2 Dwarven stout (m)

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